


you're everything i have

by RatonLaveur



Category: Chernobyl (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-16 04:28:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19310620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RatonLaveur/pseuds/RatonLaveur
Summary: Boris sacrifices everything in an insane, sad attempt to save Valery from the hands of KGB.





	you're everything i have

**Author's Note:**

> i have made the decision to ignore the general rules of literally everything for the sake of this little writing

_ It's over. _

_ It's all over. _

That was Valery's main thought when he got dragged out of the court room by cold, distant members of the KGB. 

_ I tried to save lives, but in the end I can't even save myself. _

As they were getting closer to the car, his eyes met another pair of eyes. The eyes he learnt to trust. Usually so comforting and reassuring despite the roughness. Valery could see behind the cold aspect and found tenderness. 

And he was about to lose this all.

Valery and Boris stared at each other for mere seconds that felt like eternity. The scientist was trying to explore every single feature on the other's face, to save it for the upcoming life in isolation. He was trying to make sure he was going to remember every detail clearly.

At that very moment, something changed in those stoic eyes. A flash of a different emotion that lasted for about a millisecond. It was enough for Valery to become tense, anticipating some sort of action coming from Boris.

Valery was overwhelmed by both his surroundings and his emotions, it felt like the world was set into slow motion.

In the following seconds, Boris simultaneously moved towards the group and reached into his pocket. It took him just a moment to get from his spot to Valery's, as if he was flying more than running. His sudden movements caused the agents to stop dead in track, too shocked to move at first. 

Before they could reach for their own weapons, Boris was already dragging Valery from them, pointing his gun at the agents.

Other people nearby have noticed already, but all they could do was to follow Boris and Valery getting away from the scene, into an abandoned warehouse.

Valery's senses, overwhelmed ever since he exited the building made him feel like he was in a dream. The sounds around, gunshots, yelling, his own footsteps - everything was muted, all he could focus on was Boris holding his hand in a sad attempt to save him.

_ Boris was trying to protect him. _

He wanted to laugh. He wanted to yell, tell him to save himself and not worry about Valery. It was useless, Boris sacrificed himself for something, that could never be done.

_ Protect yourself first. I don't matter. Not as much as you do. _

But he kept his mouth shut and ran alongside his partner, engaging in the pathetic belief that they could ever escape.

Boris was probably aware of the insanity of his actions, too. 

The first moment they managed to hide in the labyrinth of dirty boxes, away from the sight of alarmed agents, Valery decided to ask about it.

"Why did you do that?" His words sounded foreign to him, as if it was someone else talking. "You are going down with me now. They are going to catch us."

"No life at all is still better than life without you." The answer was simple, his face didn't change, but there was vibrating emotion in those words. They were, in fact, filled with pain.

Valery was speechless for a bit. But during the pressure of the situation and the importance in the conversation, he forced himself to continue.

"That's insane. You're insane. I don't matter. You should have put yourself first."

"Nonsense. Don't make me mad. Of course you matter. To the world. To  _ me. _ "

Valery felt tears in his eyes, something he forgot could be achieved in this cold world. He gave up on crying years ago, leaving it behind like an unnecessary item. It was nothing but a weakness that would hold him back.

But now, in the middle of all this, he had nothing to lose - so he let the last remainder of his fragile humanity make its way down his face.

To hell with this godforsaken world and its damned rules. To hell with his life. Nothing mattered but this very moment when he got to look into the eyes of the man he cared about the most and see the tenderness he loved oh so much. Behind the painfully visible years of exhaustion and hurt that created everlasting marks on the face of Boris, he could see a soft, caring human. Damaged by all he's been through, but still breathing. Still fighting.

"Can't you see," Boris continued in a much quieter voice, "that you're all I have?"

Valery couldn't help himself as he placed his palm on the face of his companion, shyly at first, then letting it caress the skin under it. The face that had been through it all, yet still found warm expressions dedicated to him.

In that moment he realised there was no way he would ever be able to withstand living without seeing this tired, loving face.

"Stay where you are and put your hands up so I can see them!"

Again, time slowed down, causing Valery to fall right back onto the cold, insensitive and painful ground of reality. 

Everything he believed and felt until this moment was lost. Except for one thing.

_ Love. _

Boris raised his hand with the revolver, aiming it at the agents.

The agent who previously yelled at them followed his movement, pulling the trigger.

Without giving it a second thought, Valery shielded Boris with his own body.

_ Bang. _

The shock and strength of being hit by a bullet sent Valery straight to the ground, causing him to fall into the dirt and dust of years upon years of abandonment. 

He was going to be a pile of forgotten dirt and dust himself, but Boris saved him.

Only that thought made him feel warm.

As he was falling, he heard a couple gunshots, but at first he couldn't figure out where they came from. Only when he felt strong arms picking him up from the ground, holding him, pulling him closer, he knew that the gun firing the shots belonged to Boris.

He was safe and that was all that ever mattered.

"Why did you do that?" It was Boris' turn to ask this question.

"To protect you."

"That's crazy."

"Maybe I am."

"Valera."

"Is that how people sacrificing themselves for the greater good feel?"

"Don't give me that bullshit. What even is greater good?"

"You are my greater good."

Those words must have caught Boris off guard because he didn't say anything for a while. Then, instead of words filling his ears, Valery felt tears on his face.

Those tears weren't his own.

"It's bad, right?" Valery asked calmly. He felt at peace more than ever before in his life. "The wound, I mean."

Boris didn't answer. "I tried to get you away from them and you are going to leave me anyway," he said instead.

"I'm sorry," Valery closed his eyes, feeling all cosy and sleepy. "I'm so sorry for disappointing you… yet again."

"No," Boris breathed out, voice heavily infected with emotion. "Don't say that. You never disappointed me. Ever."

"Good."

"Valera. Please. Look at me. Don't go."

"I'm still here," Valery mumbled but obeyed and opened his eyes. Only to find the face he was trying so hard to remember being completely different. Broken. Devastated.

Boris breathed out shakily, tears disappearing in his wrinkles Valery could swear weren't there the first time they met. Not all of them, for sure.

Then he closed the distance between them, placing a kiss on Valery's forehead, nose and lastly, his lips. As if he was trying to breathe life into them once again, as Valery's was fading away. 

There was a pool of blood on the ground, but strangely enough, he didn't feel pain. His body was numb, everything was focused on his mind, the feelings flowing through him with the force of a broken water tank. He had been surpressing his emotions and desires for too long. Absorbed by loneliness and denial. Finally, he got to release all of this, as their lips were touching, softly, carefully, tenderly. 

With each second his mind was getting more and more fuzzy, but he couldn't tell if it was caused by the loss of blood or the touches. Probably a combination of both.

After their lips parted, Boris kept whispering, more and more frantically. But Valery could no longer hear. 

He figured out it was time to go, but he didn't feel scared. Only sad. It hurt him more than any bullet could, the thought of leaving Boris behind. Alone. In the middle of this cruel world. No longer getting to see the eyes he met everywhere, even in his dreams. No longer being able to touch him to gain confidence.

The world was getting colder. No, his body was getting colder, unable to keep up the heat gained in a radioactive place, unable to feel the arms holding it and trying to warm it up.

Valery gave Boris one last look before everything faded into comforting, painless and endless black.

One last thought before completely exiting his numb existence.

_ I love you, Boris. _

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed at least a bit, it's 1:20 am and i have no idea what im doing  
> "let them be happy gdi" - i say, as i make them suffer (again)  
> feedback will be greatly appreciated as always, since it's the only thing that actually motivates me to write most of the time!:)


End file.
